I could feel the lifeguard’s gaze on me. It was hot. The weather – the weather was hot.
“Look at me, mama! I’m going underwater…”
My four year old dunked his head for a few seconds under the water, and I secretly wished I too was taking swim lessons and could splash around in the coolness. My youngest pounded on his stroller next to me – demanding my attention and another rice cracker. I reached into my bag for another cracker and caught the eyes of the lifeguard. He gave me a boyish grin… me – out of all the people at the pool, he grinned at ME.
I plopped a rice cracker onto the tray of the stroller and started to fan myself with an empty, floppy Ziploc.
Am I having a cougar moment? Is that what this is? His abs are so tan and tight…
I noticed that my legs were crossed in a way that was completely unflattering to my left thigh, so I peeled one leg off the other, and crossed my ankles instead. My son waved at me from the water. I lifted my arm to give a giant wave back, but noticed my tricep flapping, so I lowered it and gave a dainty finger wave. I also wiped some sweat off my chest… while very subtly lifting each breast a little higher into the shelf bra.
The lifeguard stood up.
Oh my God, it’s like he’s responding to my boob lift. I’m a total cougar! I’m so naughty.
This is fun.
He started to walk toward me.
Oh, fuck he’s coming over here. I knew I should’ve put concealer on.
I dug out more crackers from my bag and put one, two, ten in front my baby boy. I pulled my shoulders back and flashed a brilliant smile to my kid in the pool – all the while feeling the lifeguard’s eyes.
He was still walking toward me… in slow motion… his stomach all Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise.
I glanced down at my hand to make sure my wedding ring was very visible – that needed to be clear from the start.
He started to take off his sunglasses as he approached me.
I slowly traced a bead of sweat down my temple with my index finger.
Look at me… slowly caressing my temple. Stop fidgeting!
He took his glasses completely off,
looked past my right shoulder,
I watched him hug a young lady, grab a book from her, and head back to his chair.
“I was kicking, momma!”
I gave my son a big thumbs up and smiled.
Then I stole a rice cracker off my baby’s tray and ate it.