Christmas Just Got F*cking Awesome.

boy and Santa


We had breakfast with Santa last week.

My son is two and half.

He whispered to Santa that he went poo poo on the potty.

Why?  Because I think he believes in Santa.  And I think he believes that is very important information for Santa to know.  He believes that Santa will be proud of him.

Let’s flash back to a decade or so ago-

* insert mental picture of a flashback effect, like warpy, fuzziness around the edges of your screen- or just have Wayne and Garth float across wiggling their fingers saying “du du du du du … du du du du du” *

I’m kicking back on a sofa with a spiked egg nog in my hand.  I’m looking all mid twenties- sexy, and I proclaim to the party goer next to me that I am always going to tell my children the truth.  “That’s if I have kids.  But if I do, I will respect their intelligence, and I will raise them to be honest people with the highest regard for truth.  Santa is a lie, and it just sets kids up for heartbreak in the future.  Kids can easily understand the spirit of Christmas and giving, without conjuring up a big story about a fat guy with presents.”

Now let’s come back to the present, and my not-quite- as- sexy, but less of an idiot self.

I am presently crafting a lie to top all lies.

And I’m so f*cking excited!

Now, he’s still very young- so Santa may still be a bit abstract.  But that’s what makes this year the most important year ever.  This year is the year we build the foundation.  This is the year he believes pretty much anything we tell him.

We are creating the foundation for many more years of lies to come.

It’s the best.

I never realized what an excellent liar I could be!

I’m making Christmas, people!  My husband and I are sculpting it, crafting it, creating the magic.

He’s already had breakfast with the big guy himself.

His Dad has told him about the reindeer, and chimney, and elves, and presents… and my son looks mesmerized every time he tells the story.

I’m putting freaking cookies out for Santa.  And I’m sure as hell not gonna forget a little carrot for Rudolph who works so hard.

All the gifts from Santa get special wrapping paper.

Santa sent my son a special video message from The Portable North Pole.

And I may or may not even visit, and get a picture of Santa sneaking into our house to put presents under the tree.

Sure, I know that someday he may find out that not everything we’ve told him is true.  And he may be heartbroken.  But someday he’s also gonna find out that real toothpaste doesn’t taste like bubble gum, that people sometimes hurt one another on purpose, and that health insurance companies are the devil.

But for now… I want there to be magic.





Come on over Santa, and Tooth Fairy, I got your wings right here.

Because, although I’ve always been a firm believer in the truth, I believe even more in the innocence and wonder of childhood.

It’s a whole new ball game now.

Christmas just got fucking awesome.




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Comments (30)

  • martini mama 12 years ago Reply

    I had to repost this on my facebook….I could not of said this better. Christmas is just fucking great, especially when you have kids. 🙂 Also, thank you for the site about catching Santa, I am going to check that one out. Right now we watch Santa talk to my 2 year old about 40 times a day….he is a believer. (heart)

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    2 year old?

  • Jess 12 years ago Reply

    Absolutely epic!

    I’m loving your take on the magic of the story…and lying the shit out of the holiday for the sake of savoring innocence.

    Tits, I say. Tits.

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    And tits to you, lady. Tits right back atcha!

  • Lady Estrogen 12 years ago Reply

    That is fantastic and so true. We are such superior know-it-alls in our twenties.. When I HAVE kids, it’ll be different. hahaa..
    Enjoyed this, thanks 🙂

  • Mommylebron 12 years ago Reply

    You know, once he’s old enough to realize the truth he’ll also realize how much his parents love because they did so much to create this magic for him.

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    I can only believe that you are right… because I’m lying my ass off over here!

  • Teresa 12 years ago Reply

    This year, I just realized how f*cking awesome Christmas is myself. My daughter is 2 and a half. I think that must be the magic year.

    We were walking in a cute town downtown and saw a Santa Claus who was manning a Toys for Tots drop off. My little girl, sitting on her father’s shoulders, said “Santa Claus!” in an awed whisper and I discovered one of the greatest parenting moments of all time. She really thought that was Santa. We went over and talked to him, she hugged him and sat on his lap. She didn’t ask for anything because to her, the important part was THIS WAS ACTUALLY HIM.

    When I let that little fact sink into my head I realized that is one of the coolest things ever. Can you imagine seeing THE REAL Santa? How would you feel? F*cking awesome, that’s how.

    I love Christmas.

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    I think two and a half IS the magic year! Have the best, most awesome, f*cking fantastic Christmas ever!

  • Truthful Mommy 12 years ago Reply

    I love the thought of you over there crafting Christmas!!I bet it is going to be all kinds of goodness and awesomeness. ALl the hard worth is so worth it when you see their lil faces, MY girls live for putting the treats out for Santa and the reindeer.I think we might make hoof prints on the roof for the girls to see….just to take it that much farther!Christmas is really magical, especially when we focus on our children:)LOve it!Can;t wait for pics!

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    Please don’t fall off the roof making hoof prints. 😉

  • Mrslala 12 years ago Reply

    What she said!

  • yes, Yes, and a thousand times YES! We ARE crafting Christmas, and it is such a privilege and a joy. And once the illusion is shattered, they will most certainly be left with the knowledge that we love them terribly, and worked our butts off to create a month of magic. Cheers to you, little elf.

  • MommaKiss 12 years ago Reply

    Seeing Christmas thru the eyes of a kid is truly magical. We do the whole santa, presents thing – but also talk about baking a cake for Baby Jesus’ birth – they’re into both concepts, even though they may not relate them. So. Fun. Good on ya for lying your ass off. Keep it up.

  • TANYA 12 years ago Reply

    riiiiyeeet?!!!! What a magical year!! I could just picture you in your 20’s exclaiming “i’m going to respect my kids intelligence…. santa is a lie…” ha!!
    Magic is great… but magic in my son’s eyes is the world.

  • Jennie @ Modern Mamaz 12 years ago Reply

    This is too great! I was laughing OUT LOUD and started reading it to my husband halfway through… thanks for the much needed laugh!

  • Alexandria 12 years ago Reply

    I wasn’t lied to as a kid about Santa and I totally think I was robbed (doing a guest post on this Christmas Eve for @BabeChilla) and I have determined to lie to my kids until they’re at least 4 about the magic of Santa & Christmas.

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    No Santa as a kid? *GASP*
    I bet you’re lying extra hard to bring the magic. 😉

  • Crystal 12 years ago Reply

    ISn’t it crazy what we do as parents?? And it’s so much fun! I think hubby and I are more excited right now than the kids…we can hardly wait. The countdown isn’t for the 4 yo….it’s for mom and dad who can barely contain our giddiness!!

    Have an awesome time with your kiddo! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    Yes… giddiness all around, lady.
    Hellz yeah!

  • Renee 12 years ago Reply

    Christmas Magic!
    Yes, the lies. Yes the fairy tales.
    And all worth it. To see the magic in those little smiles. And the fairy dust sparkle in those young eyes.

    Yep. All worth it!

  • kassie 12 years ago Reply

    Love it!! I think it is so cool how you can lie to your child and they believe completely ridiculous things. 🙂

    stopping by from sits.

  • Anna Barnett 12 years ago Reply

    Don’t forget to leave the carrots for the reindeer!!! Make sure you take some bites and throw them in the yard for your son to find on Christmas day!!!

    Anna, The Pilot’s Wife

  • Sharni 12 years ago Reply

    You know, I couldn’t help but get caught up in your excitement here, I am still torn about creating this magic or remembering my sincere heartbreak at the lie… for now we are talking Santa and I’m half swept up by your views now. tough gig. I feel like Jim Carey though I CAN”T LIE!!!! But perhaps it isn’t lying it is indulging imagination for the sake of your child…….? Great post!

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    I have a hard time lying too… EVER! but for some reason I’m having a blast this Christmas! I’m really good at “playing pretend”! 😉

  • Becky 12 years ago Reply

    I love the whole Santa thing I’m totally sad cause my oldest is almost 9 and I’m pretty sure this is our last year of her believing in the big guy but I just feel blessed that she’s believed this long. And let me tell you something amazing most kids weather they believe in Santa or not totally get the idea of what Christmas really is all about. I mean yeah my kids are all about all the presents, but they also get so caught up in the magic and the togetherness of the season. They know that Christmas Eve all the family they don’t see all the time will be around and they get so excited to see everyone and just spend time with family and friends. It’s all about the traditions and they love it, I don’t know how Christmas was any fun before I had them because they really are what makes it special.

  • This is awesome! So true, its all about the magic in the kids eyes. My boys really believe in the Elf on the Shelf – they are so sad he will be leaving soon and it almost breaks my heart. Christmas will be fun!!!

  • Emma 12 years ago Reply

    This is sooooo true. My girl just turned 8 and I think this is the last year that she’ll believe so we went all out with letters and videos from Santa and leaving the usual stuff out!!! Hope that you had a good Christmas and New Year! Stopping by from SITS to say Hi and Congrats on your SITS day 🙂

  • Mary 12 years ago Reply

    I just found your blog, and I must say I haven’t laughed
    this hard in a long time! I laughed so hard that I even got
    husband’s attention, and we stayed up way too late going back
    through your archives. I never thought he would ever show any
    interest in the blogs I read, let alone spend hours reading them
    with me! Thanks so much for an evening well spent!

    Jenni Chiu 12 years ago Reply

    Best. Compliment. Ever.
    Glad I could entertain you two for an evening.
    PS- I’m not a swinger… so don’t even think about it, lady!
    Well… I suppose just thinking wouldn’t hurt…

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