Okay, some might call me an anxious person.
I am hoping by putting this out into the blogosphere that you other worry warts will know you have a comrade… and maybe, I won’t feel like such a loner in my insanity.
Of course, it is also possible that no one on Earth has ever shared one of these worries with me. If that is the case- please don’t tell me. I already worry too much about how much I worry.
- When I’m driving in traffic, and someone honks their horn (even if it’s a mile away), I automatically think they’re honking at me. I actually look around innocently, and raise my hands in that “What, I’m not doing anything” way. Just in case someone is watching. Then I secretly check that my lights are on/off, that my blinker isn’t blinking, that no one is hiding in my back seat, that there is no smoke from under the hood, and then listen for the flat tire that the honk may have been warning me about.
- When walking down a flight of stairs, I always envision myself tumbling down the steps and landing on my head. I repeat, always. I cannot actually walk down a flight of stairs without having this fantasy. Is that weird?
- When I’m driving and I hear the siren of a firetruck, I think they’re going to my house.
- I would love to look up at the leaves and branches of a tall tree, but am absolutely sure that a bird will poop in my eye. (This has actually happened to me, so it’s not really a phobia – more like a reasonable concern).
- If I am stopped at a red light and someone in the car next to me is talking on their phone, I start to have the sneaking suspicion they are talking about me. You know, in a not-so-nice way.
- Sometimes, not always (thank goodness), but sometimes, when I am on the toilet, I get scared that a snake or a rat will come through the plumbing and attack my bum.
- My cel phone is giving me a brain tumor.
- I fear aliens and ghosts are using my baby monitor as a communication device.
- When I eat at a restaurant, I am divinely afraid of biting down on a roach that is hidden in my food.
- I’m almost always certain that when I’m test driving a car, I will go the wrong way down a one way street and smash into something.
- I lay awake at night, afraid that my body will shut down due to lack of sleep.
- When I get in an elevator, I briefly worry that it will get stuck… and I will simultaneously develop bad gas.
- I’m afraid this extra skin my son left on me will never, never go away.
Now combine this with the everyday “mom fears” (nutrition, enough sleep, my kids’ self esteem, breaking an arm, poking an eye out, not being a good enough mother, not being a good enough wife, etc.) and I suppose I can sometimes be a little tightly wound.
I am the wart of worry.
But seriously, how can I relax when my brain tumor is causing me to fall down the stairs, and people keep honking at me while I race to the hospital because a rat bit my ass?