Anxiety, Phobias… Oh, How I Worry.

 

Okay, some might call me an anxious person.

I am hoping by putting this out into the blogosphere that you other worry warts will know you have a comrade… and maybe, I won’t feel like such a loner in my insanity.

Of course, it is also possible that no one on Earth has ever shared one of these worries with me. If that is the case- please don’t tell me. I already worry too much about how much I worry.

  1. When I’m driving in traffic, and someone honks their horn (even if it’s a mile away), I automatically think they’re honking at me.  I actually look around innocently, and raise my hands in that “What, I’m not doing anything” way.   Just in case someone is watching. Then I secretly check that my lights are on/off, that my blinker isn’t blinking, that no one is hiding in my back seat, that there is no smoke from under the hood, and then listen for the flat tire that the honk may have been warning me about.
  2. When walking down a flight of stairs, I always envision myself tumbling down the steps and landing on my head.  I repeat, always. I cannot actually walk down a flight of stairs without having this fantasy. Is that weird?
  3. When I’m driving and I hear the siren of a firetruck, I think they’re going to my house.
  4. I would love to look up at the leaves and branches of a tall tree, but am absolutely sure that a bird will poop in my eye.  (This has actually happened to me, so it’s not really a phobia – more like a reasonable concern).
  5. If  I am stopped at a red light and someone in the car next to me is talking on their phone, I start to have the sneaking suspicion they are talking about me. You know, in a not-so-nice way.
  6. Sometimes, not always (thank goodness), but sometimes, when I am on the toilet, I get scared that a snake or a rat will come through the plumbing and attack my bum.
  7. My cel phone is giving me a brain tumor.
  8. I fear aliens and ghosts are using my baby monitor as a communication device.
  9. When I eat at a restaurant, I am divinely afraid of biting down on a roach that is hidden in my food.
  10. I’m almost always certain that when I’m test driving a car, I will go the wrong way down a one way street and smash into something.
  11. I lay awake at night, afraid that my body will shut down due to lack of sleep.
  12.  When I get in an elevator, I briefly worry that it will get stuck… and I will simultaneously develop bad gas.
  13. I’m afraid this extra skin my son left on me will never, never go away.

Now combine this with the everyday “mom fears” (nutrition, enough sleep, my kids’ self esteem, breaking an arm, poking an eye out, not being a good enough mother, not being a good enough wife, etc.) and I suppose I can sometimes be a little tightly wound.

I am the wart of worry.

But seriously, how can I relax when my brain tumor is causing me to fall down the stairs, and people keep honking at me while I race to the hospital because a rat bit my ass?

 
 

 

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Comments (16)

  • Mama Bear 10 years ago Reply

    I can SO relate. I have to tell you, the roach thing? It happened to me. Chinese restaurant. I thought, “This is a weird texture to this piece of cabbage.” When I pulled it out and looked at it, I saw that I had been gnawing on a roach shell. Things got kinda crazy after that.

    Thank you for posting this. It makes me feel not so alone in Freakville.

    Jenni Chiu 10 years ago Reply

    Roach shell- NOOOOOOOOO!
    Thank you for feeding the phobia. We shall stand together in Freakville… and pop Xanax.

  • Michelle 10 years ago Reply

    OMG- THE RAT… COMING UP THE TOILET… YES!
    I no longer need to be ashamed.

  • Laura B. 10 years ago Reply

    I was always told that bird poop is good luck when it lands on you. There’s a silver lining, I guess.

    But thanks (Mama Bear, too) for reminding me why I’m so thrilled to be living on a roach-free island.

  • Alexandria 10 years ago Reply

    jenni the more i read your blog the more i realize we just might be the same person! 1, 2, 3, 4 and 10 are all me too!

  • Crystal 10 years ago Reply

    Oh wow! So funny! I actually invision myself falling down the stairs. And I always think people are watching me and thinking/talking crap about me. Does that make me crazy (too)!!??

  • Truthful Mommy 10 years ago Reply

    Dear God, I am afraid to say that I have experienced most of these at some time..the phobia not the actual thing going wrong. I must say I am afraid of the baby monitors.White noise creeps me the hell out.WE’ve had lights mysteriously turn on in our bedroom 2x and the radio come on and a freaky image appear in a photo, so..I don;t want to give that thing another way to communicate with me!Thanks no I WON’T be sleeping!

  • MommaKiss 10 years ago Reply

    It’s NAHT A TUMAH!
    Had to do it.

    Jenni Chiu 10 years ago Reply

    Bwaahaahaha… wine
    out
    the
    nose.
    And it is a tumah…

  • Spanky 10 years ago Reply

    I actually had a spider crawl onto my leg from the inside of my toilet once, thus forcing me out of my bathroom with the pants around the ankles and screaming at the top of my lungs. So you are NOT alone in your phobias.

    Jenni Chiu 10 years ago Reply

    Oh great… now I have to be on the lookout for spiders too!
    You and I shall never pee the same…
    Get it? “pee the same” “be the same”? … I laugh so hard at my own jokes!
    *hangs head*

    MommaKiss 10 years ago

    i totally did a chortle at that one.

  • Tracey 10 years ago Reply

    I can definitely relate to number’s 6 and 7, plus I have a few of my own (well, a lot of my own really.) The most recent ones to date are a.) I’m afraid to go out during the Christmas season now that I bought all my Christmas gifts because I just know someone is waiting and watching for us to leave so they can take them all, and b.) because we STILL have stink bugs here and there, I’m afraid they are going to be in my bedding and crawl in to one of my various body openings while I’m asleep, to hibernate!

  • You know, you make me feel normal now. Thank you!

    I’m actually one giant ball of worry, but most of those things have never crossed my mind… until now.
    I retract my “thank you!” You might have just made me crazier than I already am.

    Jenni Chiu 10 years ago Reply

    Great… Now I’m worried about how worried I may have made you.

  • Phyllis 10 years ago Reply

    Holy crapola! I can SO relate to the stairs thing… and that is exactly why I live in a one-story ranch house! Taking the laundry is a HUGE ordeal! I think that it will some day be my demise. That or my phobia of driving on the expressway and having some one hit me in a head on collision. Yep, I’m just as screwed up. Glad I have company tho! And damn fine company at that. So glad I found your blog!

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