Her: Wow, look at you with the connections.
Him: Um… yeah. Pretty popular place. Have you ever been here before?
Her: No… I’ve heard it’s good.
Him: It is.
Yeah it is. It’s one of the most famous brunch places in the city, and if the hostess wasn’t a former co-worker of mine we’d be waiting an hour and a half outside like all those hungry suckers. Wait – she’s heard of it. Does that mean she’s impressed? The way she said that, “…with the connections”. It sounded so flat. What did she mean by that? ‘Connections’ in a good way or in a snotty way? Shit.
He’s totally trying to impress me right now. Hmm… do I want the Eggs Benedict or the French toast?
Him: They have amazing white chocolate French toast. Would you like to split it?
Him: And maybe get some other stuff…
Her: Yeah. Hash browns. Bacon…
(Twenty minutes of silence later.)
Wow, she sure doesn’t say much. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten almost an entire meal without exchanging words before. Perhaps this isn’t going well. She seems to be enjoying the food. She’s actually quite an impressive eater. Oh, there see – she’s smiling at me. That’s a good sign. Let’s get her another mimosa. I can see her wheels turning… I think. Maybe she’s shy… Maybe she hates me…
Him: Good huh?
Her: (nodding and smiling) Mmm Hmmm.
(five minutes later)
This silence is killing me. What is she thinking?
I’m so glad he’s comfortable with silence. I hate having to make excruciating small talk while I’m eating. People should really not talk at all during meals – someone almost always ends up speaking with their mouth full in an effort to fill the lull. There is also nothing worse than the sound of open mouth chewing – ew.
I guess that really makes going out to eat a bad date choice. I wonder why so many people do it. Maybe on a good date not much of the food gets eaten because they’re so busy chatting it up – but then why go to a meal? I should get another mimosa.
WHAT THE HELL IS SHE THINKING?
He’s got this weird vein in his forehead that is just throbbing away right now. I wonder if he can feel it pulsing. Don’t reach out and touch it with your finger, girl. Do not touch it.
I think I have food in my teeth.
Her: (getting up) Excuse me. I’m going to the restroom.
Well she sure looks good when she’s walking away.
He’s absolutely checking out my ass right now.
(five minutes later)
Him: You’re back. I didn’t know if you wanted more coffee or not.
Her: (sitting down) No thanks. I’m good.
She clearly must not be having a good time. Should we still go to this street festival thing after brunch? I have to. I have to see this date through…
(taps his toe… scratches his nose… clears his throat… looks around)
(another five minutes later)
This is eerie. She is eerie quiet. This is like watching some odd winter storm – it could go very bad very quickly… or it could end up being quite beautiful. Fuck.
Her: *blink blink*
What was that look she just gave me? Is that good? That’s not good. Well, the food is gone and the check is paid. We have talked about nothing and found no commonality yet. Should I strike up some more conversation? We could sit for a little while longer…
Her: We should probably get going. There are a lot of people waiting for a table. Festival time?
Him: Yes! Yes. Festival time.
Good. She still wants to go to the festival. Do I pull her chair out?
Crap – she’s up. If I walk ridiculously fast I can open the door for her…
Man, this place is way too crowded and noisy for me. I gotta get out of here.
He must be overwhelmed too – he’s walking even faster than I am.
(he grabs the door)
I have absolutely no idea how this date is going.
(she walks through the door)
I think I kinda like this guy.
Well… we’ll see…
Three months later we moved in together… though we were both very clear we weren’t in a “serious” relationship as he was moving across the country in six months.
Six months later we moved across the country together.
A year and three months after that he asked me to marry him.
A year and a half after that we married.
A day ago we celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary – 12 years together… 8 of them not in sin.
It has been harder and longer and better and more sideways than we ever could’ve predicted…
I guess I’m glad I went on that brunch.